Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Alt-Text From Dinosaur Comics #3

My actions were once charged with symbolism, long ago.
When I turned off episodes of Will and Grace, it meant something, damn it.
When I went into the kitchen and unwrapped granola bars, entire worlds of question were opened in all the major universities as to what implications the subtext of my movements had.
Then I moved to Seattle.
Please do not doubt me when I say it is a wonderful city. The people are kind and the space needle is as tall as I had hoped it would be, but something in the physics is different here.
No longer can I walk down the hallway of my office building holding a stack of papers without bumping into a coworker of the opposite gender and having said papers scatter hilariously to the floor as we lock eyes. No longer can I lose my wallet in a taxi cab and not have it returned to me the next day by an heartwarmingly adorable accident prone copyeditor who gets into the cab after I leave. When I am at check out stands, I fear going close to the take a penny leave a penny tray, dare my hand accidently meet that of a quirky, wonderful, 20 to 30 something looking for another chance at life.
I have moved to a Romantic Comedy, and I believe there is no way out. I could try leaving, but I fear I will only be setting up the plot for one of those long distance relationship movies. No, I am afraid I must stay here and make the best of it.
It might not be so terrible, adapting this new kind of life. I took my dog for a walk in the park the other day, and only once or twice did he find an energetic legal counselor on a journey of self discovery to accidentally tangle up in his leash.
Also there was a doctor.
I apologized on all three incidents and the rest of the walk went on uneventfully.

2 comments:

  1. I'm back! And school is over! Grades for my freshman year were good if anyone was curious! And by anyone I probably mean myself since nobody comments on this blog execpt for me and also Lawrence that one time...
    Anyway, I am finishing up Dinosaur Comics week. It only seemed appropriate I not leave my only webcomic based week so far just hanging back in January. It would be like building a bridge to the future and stopping in 1977.
    We all know the future didn't start until sometime in the 80s.

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  2. but when did the future start? was it 1982, when a little, lovable traveler with no way to get home showed up on the doorstep of a boy in need of a friend? Or was it earlier in 1980 when the Empire struck back? Or perhaps it was even in 1985 when Doc was in a race against time to save reality as we know it... and himself?
    I think this one is my favorite because the idea behind it is so hilarious. Let's make a movie, Sam, let's make this a silver screen reality! It would be great. John Cusack (maybe he's a little old, and hot tub time machine already made the gratuitous cusack 80's movie reference thing, so maybe someone younger? like... zac effron or that kid from adventureland/zombieland?) moves to Seattle- the city of romantic comedy- and, well, it's right here. I'm not sure how it would end, but I know it will be a movie I'd see.

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