Thursday, April 1, 2010

First 7 Words of IMDB's Description of a John Candy Movie #4: Nothing But Trouble

A businessman finds he and his friends.
He sits in his office chair and makes several existential realizations about himself and the people he considers himself close to.
He has heard of others finding themselves before, but never finding other people at the same time. He is perplexed as to how he should handle this latter part of his discoveries.
It is soon after he gets up from his cubicle, goes to the break room, and heats up a freshly vended cinnamon bun that he decides the best course of action would be to tell his friends of his conclusions. He decides to call them.
Perhaps it should be explained that this businessman has never in his life had any existential epiphanies. He does not know the proper etiquette involved in such experiences and, as such, does not know other people can consider it impolite when told astounding eternal truths regarding their own lives by others over the phone.
Perhaps it should be explained that his phone calls do not go well.
When he shouts: “Margaret, your boyfriend is using you to score free tickets to outdoor Folk concerts he is not even that interested in,” it does not go well.
When he shouts: “Enid, the reason you don’t like robots is because they remind you of several people you dated during your years of adolescence,” it does not go well.
When he shouts: “Quilbert, the reason you did not do well when you took the SAT is because you did not study for it, and not, as you have so eagerly told people for several years, because the people who grade the exam are not fond of people named Quilbert,” it quite clearly does not go well.
“Also there was a doctor” he says. “I am thinking the reason your name is Quilbert is because he was not at his most sober when filling out your birth certificate.”


  1. I am almost certain that someday I will be forced to answer for my crimes against proper grammar.

  2. zed em gee. is it really possible to microwave a cinnamon bun from the vending machines? I know what I'm doing next time I'm in the library! These doctor narratives are fun but also informative!